If you’re reading this… You are the Resistance.

Hello Citizens of the world, if you are reading this then you like me are one of the survivors of judgment day. For those of you who have been unconscious for the last 8 years Judgment day was the Skynet attempted to annihilate the human race. Now we are locked in an eternal struggle against the machines. The terminators hunt us day after day and we must remember that without total destruction Skynet will go on. However, you probably know this all because you are not a bleeding idiot who has been sitting around picking his nose while the world went to shit.

We take a moment now to remember those who have fallen to insanity and turned them over to Skynet, may we remember those who have been taken by the carriers who are being held in Skynet Headquarters in San Francisco. We also remember now those who have fallen to the terminators or natural causes in this past year.

I would like to notify you all that it is in fact December 25th or as we used to know it Christmas day. We have come up with a last of ways to enjoy your holiday season in spite of the robot overlords.

1. Bake yourself some holiday cookies.

We know this seems unrealistic without a stove or baking supplies but we find that you can replace most of the ingredients with the anatomy of cockroaches and rats. All you really need to search for is some glowing nuclear waste to decorate them. Here is a list of ingredients.

POST APOCOLYPTIC GINGER BREAD COOKIES:

• 2/3 cup rat lard
• 1/2 cup ground cockroach skeleton
• 1 tsp iron filings
• 1/4 tsp dirt
• 2 tsp ground bone
• pinch salt
• 3/4 cup rat’s bile
• 1 chicken egg/43 lizard eggs/956 spider eggs
• 3 cups crushed microchips
• 1/2 tsp blood
• 1 tsp saliva

Now it is practically impossible to cook these cookies without an oven but our R&D team has recently discovered that if you wait until a large terminator is near you and hold the plate in its vision it will gladly shoot a heat laser at you and cook the cookies instantly. If you want, milk and cookies remember that rats can be milked just as cows used to be.

2. Sing holiday songs.

We know that you cannot remember most of the old Christmas songs you used to sing as children so we have written out lyrics for new Christmas carols. Here is one of our favorites. Warning bells.

Dashing through the sludge

In a pair of worn out boots

Through minefields we go

Searching for some loots

Bells on high poles ring

Making spirits die

What fun it is to hide and sing

A warning song tonight

Oh, warning bells, warning bells

Scaring kid away

Oh, what fun it is to hide

In an old broke down mustang

Warning bells, warning bells

Scaring kids away

Oh, what fun it is to hide

In an old broke down mustang

Make sure you don’t sing this song within earshot of one of the terminators. Doing so may compromise your position

3. Decorate a Christmas tree.

Because we live in a world littered with metal scraps, making your own Christmas decorations. Simply find a piece of wire, find a scrap of metal you want to turn into a decoration (we find kitchen utensils and petrified dead animals worked the best), punch a hole in the decoration and finally feed the wire through the hole tying the ends in a loop.

The more difficult endeavor is finding a Christmas tree to hang your decorations on. We interviewed some of the leading officers here at the resistance headquarters and came up with this list of suggestions.

An aluminum construct

A deactivated terminator

A circular gun rack

A tube made of old tires

A burnt pine tree

An upright vehicle.

Surely, you will be able to find something on this list.

Most of all in the holidays it is important to spend more time with our loved ones. It’s okay to let your guard down every once in a while. Who knows? Maybe the machines are celebrating Christmas too.

Happy Holidays from everyone here at HQ. This is John Conner, and if you are reading this, you are the resistance.